Into the Depths: August 2008

Friday, August 29, 2008

It's that time again!!! Brayton's first tournament starts tomorrow and I am beside myself with anticipation! He is on an 8U team this season because though he is still seven, he will be eight all too soon. Unfortunately not enough 8U teams signed up for this particular tournament so his team will be playing against the 9U teams. Not too big a deal except that is where the huge leap from coach pitch to kid pitch comes in. So my sweet little 7 year old nephew will be pitching, for the first time ever, against a bunch of 9 year olds. It's gonna get interesting!

I am on a new softball team and I am loving it even more. I actually know all the people on the team this time which makes it far more enjoyable! Our first game is in two weeks and I am looking forward to it immensely. The only problem I foresee is when one of the boys is scheduled to play at the same time as I am. That will be a conundrum for sure!

I spent far more of my work day than I should have reading back through old posts of mine. I am so amazed at how far the Lord has brought me. It is truly inconceivable to me that the angry, unbelieving, broken woman that I was could be changed into a woman who loves and truly believes Jesus and all that He says He is. Were all my questions answered, absolutely not. Do I still wrestle with them from time to time, yep. And yet, I choose to see the contradictions all around me and still believe in the core of my being that He, at the core of His being, is true, right, good and loving.

On that note, I am in some serious turmoil about church. I just don't know what to do. I have begun ( six months into it) to pray for His direction but just am not getting any clear answers yet. Do I go back to my church. Do I start visiting new ones. Do I just keep sleeping in on Sunday mornings.....probably not that one. I really need to get back in church. I feel the ache for connection in my soul. I simply don't know where to go or what to do. Yuck!!

Well Blayne and I are off to have dinner with my friends from church, the two who have moved on to new ones. Then I'm thinking it'll be time for more ball practice. Hooray for long weekends!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Not Sticks or Stones

When God warned us to 'guard our tongue' I don't think He was kidding. I also don't think he meant it only toward cursing, negative speaking or gossip. My theory is that it's a pretty blanketed statement. What you plan to say may be only in jest, or perhaps just a matter of fact statement with absolutely no intended maliciousness. Words, though, cut deep.

Last night a friend of mine was talking to another woman in a jovial enough manner. However, what was said cut to the heart of the recipient of those words. Now my friend had no idea the circumstances in the other ladies life. She didn't realize that what she was speaking about had caused innumerable shed tears over the past several years. And yet, the damage was done. I won't get into what was said because I don't think it fair to either party. For one, to call out the one friend on what is her own private business and for the other because I know her well enough to know she truly meant no harm.

That being said, I think there has to be some allowance of grace when we are on the receiving end of harsh words. However, I think that as often as not the speaker (again being each of us) has no idea how their words may affect whomever they are speaking to. I am convicted as I am definitely one of the most sarcastic people I know. How often have my words impaled someone as I continue on my way none the wiser. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be the inflicter of the pain and even the panic I saw in that woman's eyes last night.

I have to go practice with my nephew now so I can learn how to catch a stinking ball.


Monday, August 04, 2008

Mayson Goes to Six Flags

In keeping with the theory that I am completely insane, I took five children to Six Flags yesterday. Mayson had never been so he was in heaven so far as he knew!


However, because of that fact we had far less wait time. You know, because smart people stayed home in the air conditioning!! They do have a ton of mist showers throughout the park, so other then the part about dragging five kids around for 7 hours, it was not so bad of a day!

Mayson riding the horsey on the carousel.

Mayson and Blayne on the Mine Train.

What a pretty little gymnast!

Casta and Mayson on the little kid roller coaster.

And this is what my car looked like for the drive home. Me, five children and four ginormous balls. Blayne was kind enough to use his basketball expertise to win one for each boy!

yes, there are actually FOUR heads back there.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Happy Weekend!

I have so very little to say but decided since it's been a week that I should throw something out there.

It was a weird week. No big fights with my boss. I had Wednesday off which was wonderful! Teresa had to take Brayton to get pictures of his brain, I forget exactly which test. Since Brayton is Brayton, they had to put him under to do it so she needed someone to stay with the other kids. It was Mayson's birthday so that made it even more fun. We just swam all day, what a hard life!

His birthday party is tomorrow night and I'm having this cake made for him. It's gonna freak his freak for sure. Of course it will say Mayson instead of 'dude.' :-) Hard to believe he's six already.
I went to counseling today and I must say it is a strange phenomenon to me, this whole therapy thing. It seems kind of backwards that going to a complete stranger and somehow learning to tell them all my deep dark secrets will somehow make it easier for me to do that with people I actually know. Very strange. I like her, though, so I will just have to wait and see how it goes. I don't feel quite as 'heavy' as I did when I left last time and I can't decide if that is a good or a bad thing. We actually talked more about uncomfortable subjects today.....I don't know, it's all odd to me.
I guess that is really all I know today. Have a great weekend!