Old
I am getting old...rapidly. As I near what is, for the average person, the middle of my life, I am prone to sadness. (Considering my not so healthy lifestyle, I am probably well past the middle!)
So, I'm doing what I do, trying not to think about it. Yet, thoughts invade against my will and swirl tirelessly through my mind.
Thirty-five. Single. Childless.
That is not a place most people envision for themselves.
I'm sure there's a point. A reason for the state of my life. Some grand master plan.
The problem I struggle with of late is that if this grand master plan leaves me at this stage of life, the stage most people graduated from at ten or more years my junior, well I am not sure I am able to happily resign myself to that. There are only two choices, resign happily trusting in His wisdom or continue into bitterness and resentment toward the One who created me and 'wrote each of my days in His book before one of them came to be'.
It's a tough place to be, tough choice to make. I admit, I don't like it :)
So, I'm doing what I do, trying not to think about it. Yet, thoughts invade against my will and swirl tirelessly through my mind.
Thirty-five. Single. Childless.
That is not a place most people envision for themselves.
I'm sure there's a point. A reason for the state of my life. Some grand master plan.
The problem I struggle with of late is that if this grand master plan leaves me at this stage of life, the stage most people graduated from at ten or more years my junior, well I am not sure I am able to happily resign myself to that. There are only two choices, resign happily trusting in His wisdom or continue into bitterness and resentment toward the One who created me and 'wrote each of my days in His book before one of them came to be'.
It's a tough place to be, tough choice to make. I admit, I don't like it :)
posted by Bttrfly1976 at 9:29 AM
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5 Comments:
I'll tell you when you're old; you're not there yet.
But I'm sorry you're down. I hope this isn't insensitive, but maybe it's time for something different
--out of the "norm". What about selling everything and traveling the world?
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That has crossed my mind...two problems, A) I, like you I think, am an introvert which makes home the only place I tend to be able to decompress....maybe that could change, dunno. B) Thirteen kiddos I would go insane without.
Who knows, though, maybe one day. I'd kind of like to go sit in an orphanage in some unheard of place and hold babies all day....bet I'd miss my t.v. though!
All in all, as long as I keep the brain in shut down mode, it's all good. :)
A. True, but home could be somewhere else.
B. Skype baby. You couldn't travel forever so it wouldn't be long.
C. I doubt you'd miss your tv. If so, you could find an internet cafe and watch your shows online.
D. "as long as I keep the brain in shut down mode, it's all good" Um...not sure that's good. ;) Feel free to text me!
(Do you like my bossy monster mode?)
Yeah, not too bossy!
Sometimes I feel like you don't think too highly of my coping mechanisms....just sayin ;)
Hmmm, don't know where your getting that. ;)
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