Struggle

I'm struggling tonight. With myself, with God, with fear, sadness, guilt, pain...don't feel sorry for me. I just need to get this out in the faint hope that it will empower me against the thoughts that seek to destroy.

I had the girls this weekend, which is good while it lasts. Sending children back home always makes me a bit melancholy. I watched a movie tonight that brought up some unresolved 'mommy' issues. And then one more of my 'triggers' on another show that just came on.

Enough to make an emotionally stunted girl lose her mind for a bit. So as the desires to self medicate in various ways run rampant through my brain and the pressure in my chest begins to reach a boiling point I decided I'd better try something. This is an attempt that will hopefully prove fruitful because frankly I'm a little afraid that if I fell back into certain behaviors He might take my tattoos back and that would suck.