Into the Depths: June 2008

Monday, June 23, 2008


I am an unfaithful blogger. :-o

I know, I know, it is shameful.

Baseball is winding down. We have nationals in Flower Mound in a couple of weeks and then we are done until the fall. I, however, joined a coed softball team and our season has just begun. :) I love it. I'm not very good but it gets me off the couch and that has to count for something!

I am still awol at church. I don't even know exactly why. It is like I can't pinpoint exactly what my problem is. My relationship with Christ is not what it was a year ago today, but I don't feel particularly distant from Him. There was just all this drama and whilst I know it is certainly not a good excuse, I just felt like I needed a break from it.

I know you can't find a church without the mess because church is full of humanity which is nothing short of messy. I just grew weary with it, I guess. I hate gossip. Literally hate it. I am from the camp who believes that if you are willing to talk to me about so and so, well then you are just as willing to talk with so and so about me. Thus, I abhor it. Yet, I am not always courageous enough to stand up to that and tell whomever is speaking at any given time that I don't want to hear what they have to spew. So, inevitably my feelings toward people become skewed by what others say. I hate that.

I feel like I'm rambling which I prefer not to do, but it is just coming out that way, sorry. The three women I considered myself close to have all left the church for others. That isn't a good enough reason for me to leave. Fact of the matter is, I love what my church stands for. My views toward the church family, however, have been skewed. And since I am considering moving toward the end of the summer, part of me thinks perhaps I should start visiting other churches.

I really don't want to, though. I truly do love what my church is all about. I love our message, our mission statement if you will. And yet, I haven't stepped foot inside the doors in nearly four months. I feel completely disconnected. Those whom I had forged relationship with have moved on. What to do what to do.

Ok, now I really am rambling.

I suppose I'll go home from work now. Take care all.