I don't want to be today. I can't say that anywhere but here. Here where noone in my real life day to day knows me. That's probably sad. My life is sad like that. Of course I never act on these feelings when they come boiling to the surface for the millionth time. I just sit with them, wonder if they'll ever go away for good, wonder why I can't just be normal. So I say it here. I say that I ache for it to be over. Then take a pill, go to sleep and know that tomorrow will be worse, Thursday unbearable.....then slowly it will become easier to ignore, to bury and wait for next time. blah