Into the Depths: Observations, Sort Of.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Observations, Sort Of.

Were it not for baseball my time spent outdoors would be very minimal.

I may be slightly too involved in my nieces and nephews lives.

That may or may not be healthy for me.

It is really good for them.

I don't think I depend on them for fulfillment.

My life would be less fulfilling without them.

I don't think those are contradictory statements.

I miss church.

I don't miss church.

Again, not contradictory, just different aspects bring out different feelings.

I miss the closeness I felt with God a year ago.

I don't spend enough time with Him.

That seems strange since He is never actually absent from me.

I feel alone sometimes when surrounded by people.

Sometimes, I long to be alone.

I ache to be the mother of a living child.

I would give up everything I own in order to be just that.

Other people's children can not fully fill that void.

It's weird to be divorced for six years and suddenly get an email from your ex.

It's also weird to not date for over two years.

I would have been a good robot.

Except for the following orders part.

Life is not simpler on auto pilot.

It isn't even less painful.

It is less intense.

That's not a good thing.

Dulled pain also means all other feelings are dulled.

This includes happiness, love, peace and the like.

This is a stupid post.

I was hoping it would jog my brain into aliveness.

It isn't working and I totally made up that word.
(spell check didn't highlight it, maybe I didn't make it up.)

Brainstorming is supposed to help, what the freakity freak.

I hate that I get extremely tired around 2:00 p.m. everyday.

Perhaps if I went to bed before midnight that wouldn't happen.

I have to go now.

It's time for baseball.

Peace out.


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