Into the Depths: So Not Deep

Monday, August 28, 2006

So Not Deep

So, I have been thinking recently, when do I become a grown up? I don't mean when do I feel old, I have felt older than my years for longer than I can remember. But, I still don't feel like a grown up. When I refer to myself, never do I call myself a woman. I say that I'm a girl. When I put my hair in a ponytail, I wear a ribbon. :) awww. I am thirty years old for goodness sake. Perhaps that is because I didn't really get to wear ribbons and bows as a little girl, I don't know. I was just wondering when I would cross that line and actually see myself as an adult. Maybe that comes with having children, maybe I will be a girl forever. Don't know.

It rained all day today. Let me say that again, it RAINED. I can't remember the last time we had rain for longer than five or ten minutes at a time. I was glad to see it, however, I am of the opinion that when it is a rainy day, you should be curled up in bed, not working. Just my own view. I drove all day, mostly slowly, wishing I were sleeping. None-the-less, that rain was good.

I started reading a book last night and I did not love it. I forget exactly what it is called, but it is about forgiveness. I didn't even make it through the first chapter. It was talking about how people say that your forgiving an offender is for you, and the book said that that was a myth. That if at all possible the offender needs to earn that forgiveness, and in forgiving yourself, you too need to earn your own forgiveness. Well, call me uber-traditional, but that seems completely contrary to the Bible. I am not even close to being holy, and forgiveness is one of those things I haven't even begun to figure out. I do, however, know what the Bible says. If I have to earn forgiveness, I am screwed, and if my forgiving someone else is dependent on them earning said forgiveness, well, then again I am screwed. Simply because it can't be true for one and not the other. So, call me closed minded, but I quit reading the book. I don't mean to say that you shouldn't try to make amends when you hurt someone, but if forgiveness is dependent on merit, than what hope have we? It would be handy if my heart would take in what I just said and really believe it as truth.....one of those things that make me go hmmmmmmmmm.


Blogger LiteratureLover said...

I don't think we ever become a grown up in our own minds. I think you're ribbon in the ponytail is adorable. ;)

As far as the forgiveness stuff, I believe we should always seek forgiveness when we have wronged another. However, I don't think you have to wait to forgive someone until they are repentant because that could be never.

August 29, 2006 4:16 PM  
Anonymous Queen Beth said...

I sure hope it wasn't the book I recommended...it's been a while since I read it and I don't remember that part.....

If it was...I.am.so.sorry.

August 29, 2006 9:15 PM  
Blogger Paulette said...

This is a whole new feeling to comment now that I have met you!! I so enjoyed meeting you, Thankyou for dinner. It was a joy to meet you. Thankyou for letting me share my thoughts.

August 29, 2006 9:42 PM  
Blogger Bttrfly1976 said...

LL, awww, you think I'm adorable. ;) I completely concur with your assessment on forgiveness.
Beth, don't worry, it wasn't! I am reading that one, "Healing for Damaged Emotions" and so far so good.
Paulette, I second that sentiment! It was wonderful to meet you, I am so glad we did it!

August 29, 2006 10:02 PM  

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