Annoying People

Can I just say that people who have known me for many years, who were a part of my life during some of the darkest days I've known, they suck if they try to argue about something that could change my life before they know anything about it. I am a tad frustrated, in case that wasn't obvious. So there is this dude I have known for nine years now. We have been 'friends' during my most severe bout with depression, my marriage, my divorce, my hospital stays. He has seen the cuts up and down my arm and in his defense, has tried to instill in me some sort of hope for many years. To no avail, as is apparent.

Up until four months ago, I was sure that he was the 'holiest' person I knew. By that I mean that I knew of no one who seemed to seek God and actually do his best to live it out on a daily basis as earnestly as he did. That opinion changed, not because he screwed up, though he did, but because the authenticity that I believed to be the backbone of his character seemed to be nothing more than a veil. Granted, part of that is just hurt feelings talking. I thought, truly believed, that I could put our situation behind me and still carry on as normal. I couldn't. I didn't feel extreme anger or anything, I guess my trust was just broken and that was hard for me to deal with.

Now, however, I feel myself becoming pretty angry with him. Since our ordeal in April I stopped going to the church we saw one another at each week, or at least every other week or so. So, out of guilt I am guessing, he has continued to text message me on a regular basis, usually when he was feeling down about something. How thoughtful of him, huh. Anyway, when he sent me a message Sunday night I told him a little about what I learned on the emotional/spiritual connection. Two days later he texted me and said he had been thinking about it and decided it was wrong. That a Christian can just pray and God will fix everything and emotional maturity had nothing to do with it. Luckily I am smart enough to not listen to him. I think that while at one time in my life, not very long ago, I would have completely blamed myself for everything that happened between us, I did, as a matter of fact. Now, though, I am beginning to understand that there were a lot of his issues at work in that ordeal as well.

I am annoyed that he felt the need to squash my new hope. I am not sure if it is a little out of jealousy on his part, or if it is more about his denial of his own emotional issues. I am leaning toward the latter. Did I mention that he was my preacher? Anyway, I had no point to this except that I have been upset about it and felt the need to type it out.