Into the Depths: I Don't Get It

Thursday, August 10, 2006

I Don't Get It

Can I just say, I don't get it. I know you don't know what it is that I don't get, but trust me, I don't get it.

I don't get why, if he didn't want me then, he suddenly wants me now.

I don't get why I am the only one I know who is alone.

I don't get why I am the only one I know without children.

I don't get why I would ever think I would deserve to have one.

I don't get why I can't just fix my life.

or my brain

or my heart

whatever it is that makes me this way.

I don't get why I can never find the video for the song I really want.

I don't get why I can't just grow up and get over it.

I don't get why I do things that I don't want to do, all the time.

I don't get why I still say 'I would never' when thus far I have on all accounts.

I don't get why forgiveness must be so extremely complicated.

I don't get why the Bible says forgiveness is free, then puts a stipulation on it.

I don't get why I am typing this crap when I should be getting ready for bed.

I don't get why the only people I can express myself to are strangers behind a computer screen.

I don't get why I run from the things that I ache for.

I don't get why I hide from what I should cling to.

I don't get why I can't simply be content.

I don't get why I can't just be happy with my house and my car and other people's children.

I don't get why God's love, peace, forgiveness, God in general, is so elusive.

I don't get why I can't get over things like normal people.

I don't get why I am me.

Or who it is that is me.

Or why anyone would care.

Or why I care.

This was happy, eh.


Blogger LiteratureLover said...

If it helps any, most of that stuff I don't get either.

August 11, 2006 1:42 AM  
Blogger Shayne said...

Forgiveness is free? Where does the Bible say that??? I believe forgiveness cost God His son....

August 11, 2006 10:25 AM  
Blogger Paulette said...

yep I agree once again with Shayne, God gave his only son to die a horrid death for that forgiveness. I think you are trying to hard to understand it all.
I believe the God I love will give you the desires of your heart in his timing Stephanie. In the mean time keep doing what you do best, love those nieces and nephews.
I understand what your dealing with 100% because I dont judge you, and I love you because I can relate and accept you.

August 11, 2006 2:40 PM  
Blogger Bttrfly1976 said...

LL, it does offer a bit of comfort, but it also leaves me wondering why I can't be more like you in the way I live.
Shayne, I appreciate your comment, but nowhere in that whole post did I say that God sacrificed nothing to offer forgiveness to His chosen people. Nowhere did I say that forgiveness was free for God. I believe you know what I was referring to, but just in case.....

Ephesians 2:8-9
1 John 1:9

not so much:
Luke 6:37

Lastly, it only momentarily cost Him His Son. He's not dead anymore.

Paulette, I don't feel like I can try to hard to understand. Perhaps I do, but in my world, I feel like if I don't understand than I can't believe, trust or follow. I appreciate your acceptance, thank you.

August 11, 2006 7:15 PM  
Anonymous Queen Beth said...

I would love to hear who it was that told you God's forgiveness comes with stipulations.

August 13, 2006 9:45 PM  
Blogger Bttrfly1976 said...

Queen Beth, firstly, I am sure it originated in my Catholic upbringing. However, Luke 6:37 says "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." That sounds like a stipulation to me.

August 13, 2006 9:57 PM  
Blogger Shayne said...


Obviously forgiveness is free in the sense that it can't be bought. Not by us anyway. Since even our best is nothing but filthy rags, even our blood wouldn't be enough to satisfy God's requirements.

However, forgiveness does cost us everything in terms of pride doesn't it? That's where it really hurts. I'd much rather just give money to buy forgiveness than have to bend my knees. But maybe that's just me.

August 14, 2006 8:24 AM  
Blogger SuperMom said...

I'm with LL. I don't get it all either.

August 14, 2006 11:17 PM  
Blogger Rev. said...

1) I think a lot of people "don't get it," although with variations here and there. You are not alone.

2) Free. Yep, free. Absolutely free. Stipulations? Hmmmm. I see that point. Forgiveness cost me nothing to receive, but receiving it has cost me everything (Luke 14:26-33). We must die to live, and live to die. Christ has set us free, and yet we are His servants. Paradox after paradox, yet true nonetheless.

August 15, 2006 4:11 PM  

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