Into the Depths: I have no title, just make up your own

Friday, July 21, 2006

I have no title, just make up your own

Here we go, another lame attempt at a not depressing, or sad, or cynical, or just extremely screwy post. Sooooo, here is what I did today while I was 'working.' Paid bills.....ok that is a little depressing.....met crews at two different jobs, cooked in the blistering Texas sun, ordered a cake for a baby shower for twins, ordered a cake for a birthday party for four kids.....yes this is a run-on sentence. The kids cake is a treasure chest, so I had to run find candy for the top. When you are looking for candy necklaces, ring pops and chocolate gold coins, they are NOT easy to find. Six stores later I made due with what I could find. Picked up two checks for work, dropped back off the candy at the bakery, went to the mall to pick up my new glasses....yes, I am going blind......stopped off at Foleys (Macy's bought Foleys and is taking over so everything is clearanced right now) and got some cute baby stuff. Deposited the checks, drove back to the office to deliver deposit slips and then came home.
It was a long day, good news, tomorrow looks to be longer. I have to spend the morning doing the work I didn't get around to today. Then I get to drive to Grapevine for a swim meet. The cakes and balloons have to be picked up by 3 so I won't get to go to the mall....sad when you go to Grapevine and can't go to the mall. Anyway, I have to find birthday presents for the four birthday children. Blayne turned 9 last Sunday, Natalee was 5 on Monday, Casta turns 7 tomorrow and Mayson will be 4 on the 31st. If the new twins don't make it in utero another two weeks, we will have exactly 1/2 of my twelve nieces and nephews birthdays in July.
Moving right along, pick up the girls and get them in bed early. We have to go to the early church service Sunday because the baby shower starts at eleven. The birthday party is directly following the baby shower and we are going to the water park for the afternoon. I am going to need a vacation from my weekend after all this junk.
I am trying not to be sad here, seriously. However, A) If joy is a choice, how come pain and suffering can't be a choice? More importantly, B) It is extremely disconcerting to be babyless and shop for cribs. C) It is painful to plan birthday parties for other people's children because you have none of your own. And finally, D) I don't care what anyone says, alone sucks.


Blogger Paulette said...

Yes you are so right alone does suck. have you thought about single Parent adoption? There is a man in our church who just turned 4o. Bless his heart he has been waiting on Mrs right for so long, yet he decided to adopt in case she didnt come along because he really wanted children. He if a Fortworth Police officer and the neatest kindest guy!!
Any how you are awesome with kids and I was wondering what your stance on that is. Email me if you would like. soulwriter1@yahoo.com
I love the way you are so devoted to your nieces and nephews.
LoL I saw you went to Foleys today, I was there at Hulen Mall in Foleys as well. I have been dying to go to the Grapevine Mall and can you believe I have yet to go there??? Have a great weekend Stephanie.

July 22, 2006 12:25 AM  
Blogger LiteratureLover said...

That video is powerful. I knew the song but hadn't seen this. I love Evanesence! As far as your post, it amazes me how you continue to do so much for your nieces and nephews in spite of your pain.

July 22, 2006 12:05 PM  
Blogger Bttrfly1976 said...

Paulette, I have contemplated adoption, however, due to my history, I am not sure it is a viable option. LL, I love them too! I didn't know it was herself that she was talking to in this song until I saw this video. As far as the kids go, I think it is more because of my pain rather than in spite of it. They are all I have, and I use them to try to make my life mean something. I am afraid, if I am completely honest with myself, there is nothing that I do that isn't somehow rooted in selfishness. I was at the store the other day and saw something that made me think of you. I will send it to HJ as soon as she gets around to giving me her address so I can send her the vacation pics. It is silly, but if nothing else it will make you laugh a little. Ok, I have balloons and cake, I am off to go present hunting.

July 22, 2006 4:08 PM  
Blogger LiteratureLover said...

I am with you in the selfish department.

I'll look forward to seeing what you found. HJ is having surgery this week so the address may be a little longer in coming.

July 23, 2006 12:13 AM  
Blogger Bttrfly1976 said...

yes, she told me you'd be there this week to help her out. It is very good that she is back there now where all of you can be with her for this. I am hoping she is going to send it via e-mail today, if not, I may just man up and call her for it this evening. After the hard part, hopefully you guys will be able to have fun, at least toward the latter part of the week. I know she is relieved that you are coming.

July 23, 2006 6:45 AM  
Blogger SuperMom said...

Let's title this "No More Birthdays In July, Please!!"

You are a great aunt.

You raise a good question. Why can't a person choose to be unhappy?

Buy why would you want to? They may seem silly to ask in light of what you're feeling.

July 23, 2006 8:18 AM  
Blogger Bttrfly1976 said...

lol, supermom, what I meant was, how is that we supposedly choose to be happy. We have little control over much of the sadness and pain that enters our lives. Some of it, obviously, is of our own doing, but often, not so much. So if the bad stuff is doomed on us, why do we have to choose to pretend it isn't bad and just be 'joyful' anyway. If joy is a choice, than I think suffering should be too. For instance, today, I choose for my evil brother not to be at the parties, thus, I can be 'happy' while I am there. Of course, I can't choose that, and knowing my luck the jack ass will be there just to spite my having written this very comment. Perhaps I only make sense inside my own head.

July 23, 2006 9:28 AM  

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