Trust vs Distrust

I dream of trusting God like this. It is just a dream today, but perhaps someday I will awaken to the reality of it. I can not imagine speaking at my child's funeral, especially considering how he died. I can't fathom not being extremely angry at myself, at God, knowing me, at the whole world. How incredible a faith must be to stand through this tragedy. This just happened last Sunday, I heard about it on Paulette's blog. Keep this family in your prayers, what questions those children must be consumed with. I simply can not understand how any human can come through such an event and still be standing, much less worshipping a loving God.

I finally wrote my letter, but I wasn't man enough to read it. She made sure to tell me that I didn't 'fail' by not reading it. (she made sure I knew I would have to read it next time) I guess it doesn't take long for someone to figure out my hatred of failure and to know that that is exactly what I would see. My failure, my weakness, my fear. What a wimp. Oh well, now I have three weeks to work myself up to reading it, of course, by then I will probably have completely rewritten it. I may post the one I already wrote, as is obvious I tend to be far more open in the written world than I am in the spoken. Also, I guess, I don't feel risk here like I would face to face with someone. If someone here rejects me, I can just delete them. ;)