Into the Depths: So, About That Roller Coaster

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

So, About That Roller Coaster

I feel at peace. I didn't know peace was possible in me. It is. I feel like God has used this situation to firm up my faith and alleviate any doubt I had that I am in fact a child of the King. I believe He carried me the entire uphill portion of this go round. I know He did because if He hadn't, I'd still be sitting in a slump, crying my eyes out on the side of the road. He gave me the assurance that He would be by my side at our life group tonight. That whatever happened, good or bad, I would not be alone. He enabled me to be real and vulnerable when the threat of attack was highly possible. He protected my heart. He enabled me to speak truth and then took that truth and backed it up with His word in an overtly tangible way. I am in complete awe.

What's more, I am thankful that this situation came up. I am grateful that He orchestrated all of it and then carried me through it. Did it hurt, absolutely. Will it continue to hurt, possibly. But I have more faith today than I ever believed I could have. And, shockingly to me, that makes it worth it to me.

I believe now that I must do my part to bring restoration to the relationship. Can I restore it, no. But I believe God is calling me to do my part because, well, that's Biblical. I will be clear that I believe, in the depths of me, that she was absolutely wrong. However, I will also thank her. Thank her for loving me enough to confront me when she believed she needed to, even if it was wrong. Because regardless of what issues in her actually caused these feelings, I know that she loves me. I believe that her motive, as far as she knew, was to lead me in the direction of Christ. Which, in a way, she did. She spurred me on to greater depth and intimacy in my walk. She pushed me into really searching out God's assurance that I am His and He came through and gave exactly what I needed. So, however wrong, however painful, even if the relationship is never restored, I thank God that He brought me to this place.

Here's my verse of the night. If you knew the whole story from tonight than it would blow you away, but I can't type that much!

Ephesians 3:20
Now glory to God! By His mighty power at work within us He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope!!


Blogger LiteratureLover said...

That is amazing. I am blown away by your wisdom. You show strength and humility. I praise God for revealing to you such incredible truth.

March 08, 2007 12:03 AM  
Blogger Bttrfly1976 said...

Seriously, I stand in awe. I, too, don't know what to do except offer up my sincerest gratitude. If there is anything I know, I know that this is all about His strength, because in confrontation, seeking approval, rejection, doubt......well all of those are my weakest spots. Yeah, blown away is a great way to put it!

March 08, 2007 6:05 PM  

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