Into the Depths: Birthdays, Flowers, and Growing Up

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Birthdays, Flowers, and Growing Up

BryAnn and BretLynn celebrated the big number 5 yesterday and they adored their ice cream sundaes!!

My first beautiful rose of spring. Can I just say how proud I am that I didn't kill it over the winter!!

Life Group was really good tonight. I can tell you that when I walked in and saw that one of the folks I know was conferred with before this whole situation went down was there, well I wasn't thrilled. I thought, 'Oh great, two people judging every word that comes out of my mouth.' But then there I went again, doing the judging myself, so I prayed again that His grace and mercy would consume me and be all that could flow out. And as always, He was so abundantly faithful. There were several times tonight that as I spoke His Spirit was just so overwhelming that I couldn't help but tear up. I am so grateful for His faithfulness that has so relentlessly kept me in the palm of His hand, especially when I was doing everything in my power to pull myself out of it.

One of the questions asked of us tonight was this. "What is a gift God has given you and how can you use it in the body of Christ?" Something like that anyway. My answer, though odd to me, is my past. It's twisted and painful and dirty and sordid. It is also full of a plethora of experiences that give me the ability to identify with innumerable people.

2 Corinthians 1:4 Who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

So that is my answer, I'm grateful, even those things that I am just beginning to deal with that still ache in the core of my being, even those things, I am grateful. I am thankful because as much as I hate my own pain, my heart aches with the pain of others. I can't see a person cry and it not leave me in tears. I am affected greatly by those who hurt so thank God that He has allowed me the opportunity to experience His comfort and compassion so that I can share it with all who cross my path.

You know, I have been considering lately the role of God in my life. I mean from day one. As I look back at that little girl who, for a long time, only found solace in church. Who sat on the front row even if the rest of the family was ten rows back. Who, at seven, was singing in the adult choir because there wasn't one for children. Who cried when we couldn't go to church because dad was at work and there was only one car. Who couldn't wait to make her first communion because she thought it would get her closer to God. Who would walk through the streets of the neighborhood singing church hymns. I believe God has been drawing me in since day one. I grew up in a home that was nowhere near Christian. We went to church because my mother believed it would lead to hell for her if we didn't. But I have always, somehow, known that God was about relationship. And I am so grateful that though He knew it would take me 31 years to really get it, He loved me enough to keep after me the whole way. It's as though He took hold of my hand and no matter how hard, how diligently, how desperately I tried to break free of His grasp, He was holding on for dear life, my dear life, and He was, no, is never letting go.


Blogger LiteratureLover said...

THAT is beautiful.

Thank you for sharing. I am so encouraged.

March 29, 2007 12:11 AM  
Blogger Bttrfly1976 said...

You're welcome!!

March 30, 2007 5:28 PM  

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