Too Much

Do you ever reach a point where you are almost sure that your stress level is surpassing your capacity to handle it. I am reaching that point, rapidly. Here is what we've got on the table for the present.

Ten year anniversary of what was probably the worst day in my life approaching on Wednesday. I am not completely sure I will make it through that day. I am sure I will, actually, but it will be an exhausting day of hiding from myself so as not to fully self destruct.

My evil brothers wedding is on the fourteenth. I expect that I just won't go. But in not going I have to deal with the guilt that I am most certainly disappointing my mother. Which brings me to number three.

My mother is not doing well. She is in a wheel chair now because she is too fatigued to move around on her own. She is too weak to even lift herself out of it to stand. My sister had to help her in the bathroom the other day. We were at McDonald's in between soccer games and she was sitting in her chair crying because she had to go to the restroom but knew she couldn't do it by herself, but she didn't want to have to ask. It wasn't pretty.

I am considering switching support groups at church. It is the same study, but they are starting a new group this Sunday that is female only and will only have about five members. I do believe that would be a better environment for me, but in order to do that I would have to tell my current facilitators, which I am sure you know I am not comfortable doing.

Then there is the gnawing question hiding in the back of my heart and mind constantly taunting me with the threat of eternal hell.

Too much stress, not enough coping skills. HELP ME.....ok, I know you all can't but I felt like screaming it just the same.