Sort of Good News

Ok, I am not smart enough to link to one of my own posts, but for reference, go see my post from June 2 entitled "More Questions." I spoke about this with my therapist today. I was talking about how it is disconcerting to me that God had to forsake Jesus because He was full of our sin, because that seemed to mean that I then had to be forsaken due to my sin. She said, where exactly does it say that God turned His back on Jesus? I said, uhhh, I don't know but it has to be there, I know I have been told that. So I asked, you don't think God forsook Him. She said, no, I believe He was just saying how He felt. Well, I discussed this tonight as I walked with my neighbor, she just so happens to be a preachers daughter. So, after our walk, we went to look it up in her husband's Bible. Lo and behold, it isn't there. Nowhere does it say that God turned His back on Jesus. We checked all four gospels, it isn't there. Of course the statement Jesus made points back to Psalm 21 when it was prophesied that the Saviour would say such, still no mention of God actually forsaking Him. So, point to the story, Jesus felt forsaken, doesn't mean He was. Funny thing is, even the preachers daughter believed that was in the Bible. Scary how we believe what we are told without even checking it out sometimes.

Therapy was actually good today, shocking eh. I was trying to explain to her my new 'feeling theory' and when I finished I looked at her and she looked as though she had been hit by a mack truck. She was like, uhh you lost me. So, she handed me a dry erase board and said, here, draw it for me. Err, draw it? Yes, with words. I did the best I could and it worked, she got it. That isn't the point. I kept the board and kept drawing, just doodling really. After a while I said I needed an eraser, but she wanted to see what I had been drawing. No. She said, ok, erase it and start over. I said, why, you want to make it all psychological. And she told me no, but it seemed to be helping me talk. And you know what, it was. Not sure why. Something about being able to focus my energy on the board instead of all the reasons I shouldn't say whatever popped in my head at any given time. So, I was very glad that happened, so long as she will let me do it every session.

I learned through my homework that while traumas experienced in my adult life are very cut and dry, it is difficult for me to pinpoint specific events from my childhood. So, she told me she wants me to try to make the list again. This time, however, she wants me to use my left hand. Apparently using my non-dominant hand will help me get in touch with whatever part of my brain holds those memories and emotions. I guess we shall see.