***WARNING*** This Post Requires Disclaimer

***Don't let your children read this and don't worry I don't feel this way anymore. However, the poems I wrote in my darker times just seem the most real to me. I wrote from my heart instead of my head then. If you hate it, quit reading. :o)***


Eluded
Sleep doesn't come
Peace is eluding
I can't understand
Nor explain what I'm doing
I try to be good
I want to be pure
I'm made new in Christ
But of grace I'm unsure
Hopelessness comes easy
I'm filled with many doubts
I only want to break free
How can I get out
Into the kitchen
I open the door
Plunge it deep within you
Is what the demons roar
Slowly I begin to cut
Into my veins I bore
Blood begins to trickle down
My arms then to the floor
Now I guess it's over
As I start to fall
Why didn't I just reach out
As to Jesus I....Now.....call


The End
Why can't anyone understand,
Why will no one see,
That I no longer want to exist,
Ceasing to be me.
I want so badly to give up,
Finally to die,
No more pain, no more heartache,
No more living lies.
People try to care,
Unfortunately they keep me here.
Those few who think they know me,
Who seem to hold me dear.
Truth is they don't know,
They just think they do.
Again I make my normal plea,
They'd hate me if they knew.
I deserve to die,
To suffer and to ache,
But living in my loneliness,
Is a sentence I can't take.
To guilty to let go,
To shamed to ever be free.
Why won't they just show their hate,
And say goodbye to me.
So many options,
All leading to my end.
No such thing as grace for me,
Maybe I should give in,
To the evil that encompasses,
Drowning my worthless soul,
Give in to the eternal end,
Then finally they'd all know.